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Showing posts from 2010

Salutations to Oblivion

Consciousness is containment
and dealing with its rise
is our whole,
is our pure burden.

We are conscious
so the universe may realize itself.

And there may be survival
in illusion of perception...temporarily.

We must be brave in our push of mind.
We must build up an inner tolerance for
what brews within.

Let value placement slip
recognizing we are all that we feed
and recognize our tolerance of the mirage...

Comply to your Happiness?

Switching the gears of perception...such a layered task. Individual liberation from saturated ritual of the mind is a necessity without requirement. But being a droned out product, well, I just don't have it in me. Born into a society, a system, with the essence counter to that of its nature. A system that spews out human product on a polarized platform relying on traditional assumption rather then doubtful skepticism. We need a quantitative understanding of the world as individuals first, then we can launch as a mass consciousness. Our religious and political delusions our the main platforms in which our ignorance as a whole is exploited. These "leaders" direct our everyday view down a funnel of such narrowed perception. To much credit is given to institutions that rape our secular modern conscious. They stand in front of inevitable rational, reasonable progression of the world entity. Giving you, in a way, an instruction manual at birth(religion, capitalism, diet, marr…

The Human Quality

Being human is a quality of self.
Being human is what we must strive for,
our goal in life.
Being human is something we are
but at the same time must never reach.

Being human is a privilege
among animals.
Being human is a quality of essence
one must never reach,
for a humble balance
in this awareness of life.

Commune Eternally

Commune with the past, present, and future.
Condense your perception of the trinity of time.
There is no separation,
only selective focus.

Eternally return to the cumulative,
all inclusive exploitation of what was,
what is,
and what will be...

Now the slavery of what is continues.
All that is here now,
our words,
our knowledge,
our maximizing physical massive might
stand with us here now
and we are ever falling into the future.

We are all these things,
we are now,
we are eternally NOW...presently...

Slaves to the American Dream

We are slaves to the phrase "in search of the American Dream". The 1960's brought a radical new counterculture to the sphere of our democracy. Well I guess we can go back to the 1950's as well. Whether we are in search of a consistant domestic pace or freedom of radical explicit expression we have found it, exploited it and turned up the volume. New Conservatism, or the diffrent brands of "Neo-conservatives" have formed from radical liberation or what have you. Tea party members are the essense of the new counter culture. This group rejects inevitable change and their ignorance is exploited through their stance on wedge issues such as "don't ask, don't tell" or legalizing marijuana or what have you. Democrats of the radical old left are finding it difficult to move forward in a nation that gives voice to nostalgic tea party radicals that illuminates the polarization and ignorance of a nation cut off from inevitable world change. Stuck in t…

Constituting Perception

We are the sons and daughters of immigrants who had the fresh dream of freedom pulsing its current through their veins, progressing leaps of aggressive establishment.
Constituting a very liberating essence into the minds of the masses. But more important illuminating a now very real idea to what our world history meant, is, and will be.
We are children of men who suffered a different kind of tension we may never again experience. And we are also children born here in lives of domestic isolation funneled from perceptions with agenda.
We are now an America reborn inwardly seeing the world through a privileged perception.
We are now an America not born of another country of tyranny, working, bleeding out our rights as a mass and individuals.
We are an America born with no conception as to why we could be the greatest nation...

From Time to Time...

Everything needs a push from time to time. A new set of revelations of sort. The replenishing of trials for circumstance. A progressive push forward beyond absolutes and past life in its generic static state. Perceptions continue to corrode our capable value and quality as a quantitative whole. Our minds tie down for survival, isolate and contain. We must learn to be more self aware as individuals and in mass. We need malleable awareness and understanding of ourselves so that we do not have to spend decades or even centuries pulling ourselves from our own fixed preservation. Our perception needs to ignite when we find ourselves living in uncomfort for others and our own recognition, at eachothers throats because we broke the statis quo. In spite of the inevitable chaos...we eliquently move forward...

Awareness, Conflict, Survival, and Evolution...

"We behold all things through the human head and cannot cut off this head."- Friedrich Nietzsche.

We find ourselves awake and aware as by products of evolution in a moving wave of manipulated perception for survival as a whole timeless entity instead of a quickly fading anomaly. Our structures, systems, our order is very important for the containment of our deviating minds. Routine may be well, but now, now warped perceptions threaten our condition as they always have.
Absolutes are our problem. Awareness is our problem. We are lucky to find ourselves in this oblivious chaos of awareness but there are consequences. We always eventually break the conservative constructs which structure us for growth and expansion. Eventually though we always progress forward. Illuminating our own illusions and thus taking one more step towards us. Or more importantly the 'I'.
Let us never forget the importance of malleability. Pure truth is anti-structure. We …

Dark Inventory Continued...

from the quiet whispers of exterior things
to the overwhelming echos of interior screams
your fantasy reveals itself in denial
when will Emerson’s call be enough
to break the bones of the gripping inner beast?
Where the liberator squares off with the tight,
suffocation of inside lust and gratification?
Where the small perception framing the scene
breaks loose and the sands settle...



Back to past to set the perfect tone. A series of desperate thoughts spewed on top of each other to make the paper seem alive. To find that lost will that may be alive somewhere. That true self that gave up a realization of premature meaning. Find your way back Derrick. Find your life square with existing sense. Your tears have fallen on the shoulders of those you embrace at a distance. When you reach for them with a crippled hand in search for answers of acceptance. Teach me! Teach me how to sit satisfied in a simple state of myself. My conflict rises again in a handful of pills.
The band plays on stage and the gir…

"god" or "gods" are a direct expression of us...not the other way around

At certain times, in certain moments, I feel the nostalgic pull of things prior. I clench and reveal who I am now with who I was preceding. I grow irritated in this distraction from the moment. I have grown tired in the banaustic monotony of repeating the same and expecting diffrent results. I move forward...
I become the moment in stead of waiting for its dictation. I express vocally, physically and in silent ponder all that is me....right now. All is fleeting and I find fortune in these shorter relations with others and have hope for the long lasting bonds, but never expect anything in any solidifying way. Absolutes are as perfect...never truly reached, not really truly existing outside of illusion, but must be used as our catalyst in strife.
I marvel at our human condition in such an awe-inspiring way now. I have a recognition of pride and happiness for myself and others that I never thought possible with the rueful conscienciousness of years of conditioning. I wip…

Alive in Retreat

It's nearly time to come alive in retreat. Its a personal habit of mine, this run from ordinary. I play around and distance myself from any traditional retrospect. My life is not then. It is now. Man is alive and very progressive and I refuse to attribute to anything other than the facts on the ground. Let loose the assumptions and stones that you help hold in place. Assess these structures that promise they "know". Questions should never be ignored. Questions should always be asked in tact. I wrestle with the god I was given and I urge you to at least take a better look.
Multi perspective is the key for growth. Illuminate the meaning you choose for yourself. The most humbling thing you can do is remove the dependance you have on outside superstition, supernatural beings and lifestyles and distractions that pull your focus from the facts on the ground. Yearn for more knowledge and information without filling in the gaps of the unknown with god. Perplex…

Retreating with Fog

One thought...quick before I retreat somewhere-
the great unknown
the monolyth
the great distraction from typical drone.
We look to it-
we give our interpretation of it,
seperate ourselves to find it
maybe realizing we have become it
slipping away
dancing away to a sillouette....
and
this tragic knowing-
We have gripped
we have built century old perspectives.

Because we have gripped
eachothers faces...
and recognized the waiting
oblivion...
.

Proposition Doubt...

This is an objective cause. I urge all to take a step back from personal feelings. I urge you. Doubt everything. We must be weary of the subjective. As one who has studied art, I of all people, know the subjective well. Excessive emphasis on mood is a marvel when paint runs down canvas. It is beautiful. But we must let go of the subjective as much as possible when it comes to those all too important issues. For example...my favorite, religion and politics. Doubt your leaders. First, objectively, then subjectively. Traditions and beliefs handed down generation after generation, of course, should be respected...but MUST be evaluated. Tradition can get in the way of evolution in politics and religion. Do not walk away...do not. If your insides scream for change, take a step back. Become objective. Break it all down in a tactful way. Ranting before education is easy and dangerous. Just ask me...I love to jump the gun. Educate yourself without as much inclination as p…

Dark Inventory continued...

Am I sleeping because I’m tired
and can’t stay awake?
Am I in slumber for an escape?
Am I at peace?
Am I awake
because I don’t want to be away?
Fighting to stay aware for one more
thought, one more moment.
Or am I in denial,
slipping slowly into a permanent place
that no one has ever been
or wants to be...



When will it all just be without them? Friends who are just friends who you have and do not use to define yourself. These people stick to people like me because we are a perfect match. My insecurities are there securities and we bond in a mini cycling world. Filling each others holes left over from another time. Children crying out and forced to gain there own answers in desperation. Everything finding a temporary bond that is so slowly progressing its harmless to the eye at first. Everything has a balance and it will balance. A familiar knowing from the parents, full of passed on holes in the personality. Copied adaptations of generation. Like a copy of a copy of a copy. The image, the survivi…

Dark Inventory continued...

Moods,
I love moods.
Assortments of me
and moment makers.
Decisions made based
on unformed feelings.
Emotions?
Non acceptance?



My mother now sleeps on the couch in this blurred unkempt section of my life. The wrists are still not respected. They are held as ransom for attention. The Pastor of our church is called and is on his way to the house. I’m sitting outside after another carving. I am staring at the patterns on my wrist kind of high as my arm lifts the cigarette to my mouth. I know my parents won’t call the hospital or the police again for fear of losing me. The issue with the wrists have almost become a routine for all of us. I understand my parents turn to the church. I am excited by this attention, the more the merrier. Its so dark and I can only see from the light off the kitchen. The road wraps around the house from the left side of the house to our driveway. I can hear in the distance the squeal and hum of the engine. From around the corner I can see the silhouette of the pastor …

Dark Inventory continued...

sporadic realizations,
suffocation under devastating
expectations,
swollen motivation,
infection,
is it the opposite of
acceleration?



I don’t dream. I haven’t for a long while. I have tried to make sense of things, but it has gotten me too many unapproving looks. "Quite down!" is how I translate those smirks. My vivid dreams years ago filled me with ideas I used to write down furiously in different colored notebooks. Before I felt the need to erase. Accepting what I am told and taught year after year would probably not be one of my strong suites.
My early days were ran for me. I allowed it. I let my friends make decisions for me. The lack of self esteem allowed me to be a slave to everyone but myself. I am alone now. So I question. A forceful cleaning of the slate.
I was finally starting to break free of a disgusting grip. My recently lost friendship, which I finally denied was my only decision making process up to this point. My self esteem was buried until this moment. I felt it bu…

Dark Inventory continued...

there is a past that lives,
it breaths,
and it haunts.
It is an inner bullet,
cocked and ready to be used,
for any occasion that suits...



Apart from the somewhat real world I try to live in day to day, the serene scene I purposely abstract in my melon is somewhat of a fuel for my real chaos. The truth I grasp and disregard. The hate, the pain, and the embarrassment I passionately sort, file and manage for future use. I fall into a sort of dream meditation. Everything is melting away around me, everything about me is soaked in doubt and pity. I allow this emotional binge to occur as I melt away on the sour smelling sheets of my coffin size bed. I sizzle inside myself because I am willingly flipping a switch, denounces all normal inhibition to heal from any mental pain. I collect any self depravity for an occasion such as this to use against myself, to destroy myself. After therapy I am a roller coaster of thought and reminiscing revenge against any real part of my true self. My past walked r…