Faith as a Filler

Faith as a Filler? Faith must be the answer to all my absurd questions, right? It may be true, but with faith comes much baggage. What might we have faith in? Ones faith usually comes in a specific brand. One obtains this faith starting from birth; a change may be made for a marriage to work, or even an event or pain that may broad side us unexpectedly forcing us to find some answer, some reason why this tradgedy happened to us. What ever the reason may be for your acceptance, you have found a way of understanding the misunderstood. This acceptance I envy, but in a brief moment it passes. With all the similarities and diffrences between all these religions, traditions, and rituals, we have faith, we have acceptance. What brings us to this acceptance and at what level have we accepted?
By this measure faith becomes the glue of our acceptance and personally I am not so sure I can sit with faith as my all end answer. First, let me clarify. Faith may be needed, but clear misguided faith is unnecessary in my opinion. It isn't an excuse or an answer to a question. It's hope, a want, a need, attached to a belief, an idea that may or may not be truth. Everything in me crawls at the thought of containing myself to a tradition, a man made tradition that fabricates itself to truth in order to be the needle in our moral compass.
Great power lies in the ability to control perspective. If there is a god and i do not claim to know if a "god" exists or not. How could I even claim to know how he expects us to live or even if there is a set standard to follow? I do know one thing, that I was given the capability of choice and I am continuing the search, god or no god.
Inside me lies a passion for the human cause, our nature and what drives us. Liberation comes first, scary, lonely and sometimes painful liberation. I must listen to the cry of danger within me. Danger for us and how much the unknown may or may not effect us here and now. How much our perspective effects our physical interpretation in which we carry out our daily tasks.
Faith as our filler? Is this a joke or have we just given up? Why not continue the search? Is it fear? Do the questions feel wrong? Liberation can be painful and the search may not have a payoff. I for one do not have the capability of holding on to the Lutheran Christian backround. In my view, Christianity is a mythological nightmare run amuck. We are desperate when it comes to the unknown. Whether through conditioning during childhood or trauma in midlife, we turn to something outside ourselves.
I have caught myself in many stressful moments, praying, doubting, praying, hoping there is a steady hand guiding. In those moments where i pray, am I really turning to a god, a presense outside myself or am I finally listening to myself, calming myself through all my experience thus far in life? And this doubt, should it be a bad thing? Do not turn on yourself because I believe if there is a god it must understand the doubt, the questions, and everything that comes along with a search. Like I said, sometimes I wish I could find acceptance and close off all other doors. My perspective changes fortunately. It evolves and tries many shoes on for size.
Arrogant smirks are a dime a dozen every time I open my mouth for questioning. In curiosity I share my un acceptance. I have dealt with christians primarily through debate. The older I become and the more I discuss with irrational Christians, I am almost waiting for one of them to start laughing and unmask Christ for the mythological character he really is. Just like Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. Jokes on you! It never happens. Is it really my job to attempt the unmasking?
Who am I to tread on someone else's convictions? We are all trying to move forward. Whether our standards, our convictions are firm and grounded or flexible, we need truth. Or a proper search. Myself, I am a truth junky trying to use words, fumble with words to grip my own world in spite of yours. I believe, or better yet, I have faith in not knowing. I may not even be looking for a solid truth. I hope the truth I search for is evolving as well as staying constant. If it means losing myself to find myself some sort of understanding through many various perspectives, then so be it. Letting go of religious belief is terrifying. The secular recognition of religion as just ideas is evolutions next step.
Gross feelings of wanting and not having overwhelm me. The spectacle of claiming to know mesmerizes us by its control. Moral values and spiritual are all contained in these words we hear from the pulpit or read from these all knowing story books that fracture our society into pieces. I wish I could accept one of them. I scream in terror for the ability to accept one of these books of as truth. If religion is here to stay (which is a very good possibility) it needs to take its place center stage and claim its imperfections and dangers. In all reality religion will continue to stay hidden in plain sight, lying at the heart of mans deepest motives. My excitement in possibility comes from the idea that may be one day, if religion decides to stick around, that it may open up a forum. Criticism may be taken into consideration. Then maybe one day evolution may begin. This stage for growth and change may be constructed and recognized. We can finally start to turn to each other instead of turning away towards our assumptions.
We need mre abrasive attempts at gripping change. Constant progression is too important to just go along. And to all those devout followers of traditional belief, I don't expect or even feel the point is to lead you away from your particular brand of faith. It would be self righteous and arrogant of me to assume my ideas could change your ideas. I just hope listening is as important to you as it is to me on this particular topic. A clash of the perspectives and who knows maybe something may be learned.
A constant truth may never reveal itself, but at least we may one day awake to a time where we have a solid forum of debate to recognize counterfeit truths when we see them. What is so incorrect about Agnostic? The capability of brutally acknowledging that "I don't know" allows me to stay objective. Mere Agnostic, undetermined and un satisfied.
Why get so obsessed with satisfaction? Our efforts to obtain this satisfaction are so black and white we lose sight of what satisfaction is. We start to lose real meaning. We continue through what we know, preprogrammed unnaturally. It all comes down to knowing. It is a huge motivator to know something someone else does not.
If you have the capability to question, even though the answers may not be solid, my god, you may learn! Our modern world is not connecting with the old. It may seem like the preservation of the old may bring light to the new, but that's were opening those eyes wide may be useful. The collision of worlds is apparent and we are failing. I understand convictions are convictions and the deviation from those convictions may seem impossible for some, but so many voices will always speak with an opposing tongue, some in vain, some in search, some in an honest search for understanding. Listen, just listen, because so much needs to be heard. I listen closely because the majority is shaping my world, our world into a rapture that will require a whole new kind of fall out.
I can understand ones hope for a god ( Good Orderly Direction) purpose, cause, a place to go at the end. Meaning helps us understand the misundestood. It gives place in a sea of unknown. As an agnostic I won't deny the existence of a god, a presense outside myself. I must defend the possibility along with the opposing, its part of not knowing. These distortions must be recognized. "The equal toleration of religions...is the same thing as atheism." (Pope Leo XIII, Immortale Dei 1885) To me this quote says everything about intolerance and misunderstanding.
The conduct of human affairs is at the top of the list as far as I am concerned. It is a very terrifying thing to realize how we fill ourselves to have purpose. Religion is a topic so giant it scares us. It makes the ones who can not fill in the gap with faith or ritual outcasts. This minority may one day be a majority with a strong voice. I urge you to listen to the opposing views intently. We do not have to fullfill any prophetic end to a very old story time tradition. We can take a moment and understand. We can listen to the questioning voices and learn. If not get rid of religion, change it. Evolve before we become a tragic end to some very choppy fairy tales.

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